Fall Photos

I know, I know, I posted WAY too many pictures, but I think she's just too darn cute not to!

My Dirty Pirate

For Halloween Courtney was my little "Dirty Pirate" as she calls it, because she wouldn't let me wash her face. She was as happy as could be before we went trick-or-treating. She had been practicing her 'trick or treat' and 'thank you!' for a week, and had it down perfect.

Knocking at the door.....

Hiding her face behind her hat, refusing to look at anyone....

And running away.

She pretty much screamed and cried and refused to look at anyone ALL NIGHT! We made it to about 5 houses before she demanded we take her home. Maybe next year. But she sure was one cute little pirate!

Carving Pumpkins!

This was Courtney's first year to do Jack-O-Lanterns. She loved playing with the tools and the pumpkin, but refused to touch the insides. She calls them Ucky Pumpkin Guts = )

The one on the right is mine. My first EVER that didn't consist of 3 triangles and a lopsided mouth, so I'm pretty pleased with myself! Jeremy is a bit more artistic. His is on the left. Obviously.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!!

Melina's Halloween Party

My sister Melina throws the BEST parties! She put together a halloween party for all the little cousins to come and play. Her house was SO SpOoKy that it seriously scared a few of them. Okay, maybe just mine. It was lots of fun, the food was great, and it was so cute to see all the little kids in their halloween costumes.

the BEST decorations were downstairs, the spook alley going down the stairs, and a whole photography halloween set up to do pictures of the kids. Yes my camera died, and yes Courtney screamed and cried and didn't take even a halfway decent picture! maybe next year.

Thanks Melina for the party and to everyone who brought yummy food!

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Happy Birthday Jeremy!

I made Jeremy this cake, then Dawn came over and helped decorate it. Isn't it AWESOME?!

If you look close, you can see the green guy is stabbing the pink guy in RIGHT in the EYE! i guess that's what he gets for being a pink army guy. Kinda asking for it, if you ask me.

CHARGE!!

"oh no, the battle field's on fire...we're all gonna melt!!"

Courtney helping Daddy blow out his candles.

Courtney was a good 'present getter' for daddy. She handed him all his presents.

I told Courtney to pick something out for Daddy that he would like for his birthday. This is what he got.

Playing in the balloons ; )

A happy mommy, a happy daddy, and an unhappy courtney. can you tell it's bedtime?

Happy Birthday Jeremy, we love you!

Happy Birthday Courtney!!

Yesterday was my birthday! I was so excited to come downstairs and see all my presents!

Getting my Birthday Huggles

Grandma Hansen gave me the best rocking chair, just my size! I love to rock my new puppy "Blackey" in it.

Here's Blackey. I adopted her at Hobby Town and got a birth certificate and everything! Then I got to pick out a pretty dress for her.

Brigham and Jazzy gave me this DoodleBops microphone. I smacked mommy in the head with it and she now has a swollen cut eyelid. She looked very sad, so I said, "oooh... I sorry Mommy.... Mommy, I lub you...."

Jake gave me this beautiful crown and earrings, Daddy helped me put them on.

I'm such a pretty princess *wink*! I wore these all day ; )

Mommy and Daddy got me a cradle to rock my baby in. I love to sing, "Rock a bye baby, in the tree tops, when the wind blows, baby fall down" to her as I rock her.

Here are my presents! I'm not looking at the camera, but it was this picture, or one with my finger up my nose ; )

I love my aqua doodle pad! It makes pretty pictures!

Here's my birthday cake mommy made me! I helped put the whoppers in, and I put the candles in all by myself! Thank you Everyone for my presents and celebrating my birthday with me!

Super Delicious Stuffed Pillows

These are AWESOME!! even my picky little eater loves them ; )

1. cook and shred 3-4 chicken breasts
2. add 1/2 cube butter, 1/4 cup minced onion, 1 (8 oz) pkg cream cheese, 1 tsp garlic salt
3. stir until it's all mixed and melted together

(this is only about 1/2 the mixture)

4. roll out 2 pkgs of crescent rolls (8/pkg) and scoop about 2 Tbs of mixture onto each roll

5. Fold them up, trying to cover all the meat mixture

6. Bake at 375 for 13 minutes

7. Bon Apetite! Delicious, quick, and simple ; )

How old are you going to be?

Birthday Monsters!

I have the best mom and sisters EVER! For Courtney's birthday, they took the monsters from Courtney's imagination and turned them into actual dolls that she can play with!! Who could ask for a more special personalized perfect gift?? (her bday isn't til saturday, but my side of the fam celebrated it last night since that's when everyone could be together)

Baby Monster Billy (complete with 'tinkerbell' on his belly!)

Monster Fred

Monster Mommy (all glammed up with a pretty necklace, green hair, and tutu!!)

Baby Monster Billy

And as if that weren't enough, my mom even made a book telling the story of how the whole monsters thing came to be!

And then the ever so creative Katy and Melina made Courtney and Jeremy a butterfly cake and a monster cake (jeremy's bday is 2 days after courtney's).

Do I have the best family, or what?! Thanks everyone ; )

An Afternoon at the Zoo

Saturday was free day at the zoo so, of course, we went, who can resist free?? Courtney had a blast. Every animal we saw she would say, "oooh...that baby camel is so cute!" or, "oooh, that monkey is so cute!", or "oooh....that crocodile is so cute!" etc.

The funniest thing EVER!!! Courtney looked at the mommy camel and turned to Jeremy and said, "Daddy...that camel has boobs!"

This was so cute, this penguin just hopped up in her lap and snuggled like a baby.

Isn't she adorable? (haha)

Birthday shopping at Toys R Us... it took us forever to get her out of this jeep. Too bad money doesn't grow on trees!

They DO exist!

Courtney and I went to work with Jeremy today and she kept wanting to go outside. Since I was helping Jeremy work, I couldn't take her outside. In order to keep her indoors I told her there was a monster outside the door that would get her. And so it began. For the rest of the day she was convinced there were monsters outside, which she very colorfully described. She ran from window to window where she would shout, "I see the monsters!" Apparently they live in the bushes and are VERY quick because she could see them from every window facing all 4 directions! But no worries, because if they try to get us, "Daddy will smash them flat with his truck." I told her we'd have monster pancakes out of them and she yelled out the window "Yah, we eat you for breakfast!!!"

First we have Monster Fred. He is shiny pink with furry blue polka dots, 5 purple eyes, pink fuzzy teeth, and orange ears. Yes, i agree, he does look quite feminine, but Courtney insists that he's pink.

Then we have Baby Monster Billy. He's green with purple stripes, one eye, and green teeth.

Next is Baby Monster Polka Dot (which of whom Courtney named all by herself!) who is orange, has furry blue teeth, and has Tinkerbell on his belly.

And Lastly is Monster Mommy (also named by Courtney), who was spotted very last as we were getting ready to go. She must be a very good hider. She is yellow with a red stripe and red shoes. (she HAD to have red shoes!)

I have the cutest video clip of Courtney protecting her dinner from the monsters, but so far it has taken 40 minutes to upload and still isn't done, so i'll just try again later.

Courtney

(here i am taking more pictures, rather then helping with the huckleberry picking. i find doing this much more satisfying though!)

Huckleberry Picking

We've been out huckleberry picking a few times. This time I had more fun taking pictures than actually picking berries, so we didn't get as many as we could had, but we still got a ton!

The Princess And The Pea

Courtney loves her peas! She rummages through the garden to pick them herself, then brings them to me to open them. She eats the peas and throws Ruger the shell. She just happened to be in a princess dress this day (all day) and I thought...princess...pea... haha, how clever.

A Happy Happy 26th Birthday

Last Friday was my birthday, here's a recap of what we did ; )

Jeremy had built me this arbor for the flower bed, and when I woke up Friday morning I noticed there was now a bird bath in it! Yay! My mother-in-law got this for me and i guess it was hiding in plain sight in the garage for a few days and I never even saw it, despite helping Jeremy clean out the garage. Thanks Dawn!

Then Jeremy took us out to breakfast at IHOP. We had chocolate chip pancakes, which were super delicious. (Just ask Courtney, who picked all the chocolate chips off mine).

If you've ever wondered what it looks like to be high on chocolate, this is it!

After breakfast we went shopping and got some stuff for the living room. Courtney always knows right where the babies are in any store, and once she sees them and attaches on to one, it's very difficult to get it away from her. So here she is with her new baby. She's very mommy-like with her babies ; )

That evening we had family come over for cake and ice cream. Jeremy was out setting the sprinklers (since our underground sprinkler thing froze and busted last winter!), and the kids played in the water.

I told Jeremy i wanted a Chocolatey Chocolate cake with Chocolate frosting and Chocolate on top, haha, Jeremy's mom totally delivered!

Here are my birthday flowers.

The kids waiting for cake.

And here's Courtney helping me blow out the candles, which was actually a question mark. you know you're getting old when you can't fit all your candles on a cake and you don't want people to know how old you are!

Thanks to everyone for coming and helping us celebrate!!

Happy Water Baby

We got Courtney a little kiddie swimming pool yesterday and she LOVES it! She says, "I go swimming!" and gets soo excited to get her swimming suit on (thanks Jaz, haha) and climb in the pool. She played for an hour in it yesterday and also today.

The funniest thing EVER: We forgot to get some little swimmer diapers, so she just wears normal diapers and they soak up the water and make her bum gigantic. I said, "Courtney, you have a ghetto booty!" And she smacked her bum, and flicked her finger (with all the attitude of ghetto) and said, "Ghetto boo-TAY!" soooooo funny!

She wasn't too sure about going down the slide at first. Grandma Hansen helped her.

Now she loves it!

Jeremy built me this trellis and arbor for my birthday. He had some help from his mom and brother, and I stained them. I think they turned out great! the next step is putting dark brown shutters on all the windows ; )

Surprise!!!

On Sunday I was told we were having a twilight party Tuesday morning, playing the board game and watching the movie. I thought this sounded great and was looking forward to it. Come Tuesday morning I had forgotten all about it, and Jeremy had asked if i wanted to go to Rexburg with him that morning for a couple hours while he worked. I said sure, why not? So I get to Rexburg and realize I was missing the Twilight Party! I called and said I was going to miss it, and my mom and melina really didn't sound happy about that for some reason. 2 1/ 2 hours later when Jeremy dropped me off there, I walked in the door and hear, "Surprise!" They totally threw me a surprise birthday party and I dang near missed it! Cake, ice cream, presents, decorations, everything. Thanks guys, you're awesome!!! sorry i almost wasn't there ; )

A Sunday afternoon at Bear Creek

Adorable shots at Grandma Hansen's

Sweet Hubby

The other day Jeremy got me flowers for no reason at all ; ) I love my husband!

He also got Courtney a magic crystal scenery.

Here it is just barely set up.

One hour later.

7 hours later.

The next morning after Hurricane Courtney hit.

Where'd you get that vocabulary?!

Courtney has been coming up with the funniest sentences lately, and I had no idea she even had that kind of vocabulary! 2 nights ago for dinner I asked her if it was yummy, and she said, "yah, that's delicious!" This morning I gave her some change to put in her piggy bank, and I said, "Now you have more monies!" she said, "yes, that's fantastic!" And every day when Jeremy comes home from work she runs up to him, hugs his legs and says, "Daddy, I miss you!" When I ask her if she missed Momma, she says, "No, I miss Daddy."
She's also starting to blame us for stuff. She lost her sippy the other week, and for days and days when asked where it was, she would say "Daddy take it away!" Come to find out she had hidden it in a cupboard and was blaming Daddy the whole time. She's also getting bossy. When we're out on the patio she drags me to the lounge chair and orders, "Mommy, SIT DOWN!" Heaven forbid I should get up before she's ready for me to get up, i get quite the scolding, finger pointing and all.
she's not even 2 yet and she's already mastered the terrible two's attitude.

Playin' on the Slide

Today is overcast and rainy, and I couldn't be happier! I'm quite sick of this 90 degree heat. So I took Courtney out on the patio and let her play on her slide for a while.

I was laughing so hard when I took this picture, she was mad because I was standing infront of the slide to take her picture and was in her way. She was yelling, "Mommy MOVE!"

Whenever Courtney see this picture she freaks out saying, "Courtney no shoes!!" Why she's obsessed with shoes, I don't know, she has a billion pair to choose from each day, and every day has to be a different pair than the day before.

facebook

Alright, so Jeremy got me set up with a facebook account (he does it, as well) and all I have to say is, "I don't get it." seriously, I am so confused. I have no idea how any of it works, I post a comment and I have no idea where it goes and who's seeing it. Other people's stuff is on my page, which confuses me, (where's my stuff??) and so far it's just been a big headache! I would just say phooey and throw it out, but EVERYBODY is doing it! it's like the new 'thing' and I don't want to be a loser not doing the new thing everybody else is doing! Even old people know how to do it. How do they understand it and i don't?? I feel dumb.

4th of July Triplets

(quick update: i've called the humane society and they are so full they can't take these kittens. We REALLY need to find them homes, as we can't keep them ourselves. please help us!!)


So it seems we have an addition to our family in the form of 3 tiny kittens. While out in Menan for the 4th, we found these 3 kittens hanging around my parents house. Apparently they'd been dopped off and neglected for a few days and there was no way we were just going to leave them to get squished in the road or starve to death, so we brought them home.

This one we named Roxy

The one in the back is Boo.

This is Socks .

We had to put the kitty food up higher so Ruger wouldn't eat it. They climb up the picnic table and onto the green table.

Courtney is in Kitty Heaven. She loves packing them around and petting them and feeding. Of course this is only TEMPORARY, seeing as how we already have 2 other cats i'm trying to get rid of. This makes 5. Ugh.

Anybody out there want or know of anyone who wants a kitten???

2 months worth of pictures

It's been so long ago I don't even remember where this was. Some lake somewhere, apparently.

On the way back home we drove through the mountains and saw a ton of stuff! We saw this deer, which we nearly ran over since it was in no hurry to get out of the way. We also saw a fox run cross the road right in front of us, and also something else...i don't remember what it was though, but we were impressed by it! what was it?.... that's the problem with blogging about it 2 months after it happened, you forget!

This was right next to a waterfall, and we had to cross streams and such to get to it. Haha, i love this picture.

So I went to a garage sale a while ago and totally hit the shoe jackpot. i got Courtney 8 pairs of shoes for only $4. Seriously, the ones in the upper left hand corner have never even been worn. The bottom right ones are her "princess shoes" (The ones she cries out for in the middle of the night.) Anyway, I was pretty pleased with my find ; )

I decided one morning to make Courtney some playdough, since I couldn't stand another day of SpongeBob. This held her interest for almost 2 hours, it was great! I gave her a bunch of cookie cutters and a rolling pin, and away she went!

For any other mothers who would love a few moments of peace and quiet, here's the recipe:

2 1/2 cups flour 1/2 cup salt 1 Tbs alum

Sift above in a bowl and add 3 Tbs veg. oil. Stir in 2 cups boiling water.

Mix and knead until smooth. Add food coloring if you'd like. Store in airtight container in fridge.

Courtney and Mama just bein' silly.

Since the playdough went over so well, a few days later I thought I'd give finger paints a try. Courtney helped by stirring in the food coloring. What a helpful little girl ; )

This picture makes me laugh, it's like she's doing a "paint dance" ...you know, like a 'rain dance'

Clean up in the kitchen sink .

To make this all you do is boil 1/4 cup cornstarch and 2 cups water. Boil until thick, then pour into your jars and add food coloring. Simple ; )

A couple weeks ago, Jeremy, his brother Spenser, Courtney, and I drove to Gilmore, Id to check out the Ghost town. We've been there before, but wanted to go again. I have tons of cool pictures of all the houses, but it takes about 2 minutes per picture for my computer to upload and i'm not that patient. So here's a couple of the houses. It was fun to walk through them and get a sense of how they lived back in the 1800's. The time before when we went, we found tea cups and blue and purple glass and the top of a perfume bottle, some very cool stuff. This time around wasn't as exciting since so many people go there and trash it and take stuff.

This was down in the lower area of the ghost town where the miners and their families lived. I've always wanted to go to the upper area, where there's what jeremy calls "the whore house" and some other fancy buildings, but the road has always been closed and blocked everytime we've tried. Jeremy's been up there before though. On the way back home, we detoured to the Charcoal Kilns they used in the 1800's. It was raining and cold, so we stayed in the car while Spenser went and looked. Thats good enough for me.

Last year we planted 4 rose bushes in our front flower garden. I think each plant only bloomed 1 rose each, this year it's just overflowing with a ton of roses on each plant. They're so pretty! the two center plants are climbing rose bushes, so Jeremy is building a trelace to put in the flower garden for them both to climb up.

Courtney got her Red Balloon at Jakey's birthday party last week. She hasn't let go of it since. It has now become her "Squishy Chair" since it's so flat and rubbery and won't pop.

No pictures, but lots of words!

Well, so here's the news. Shane has our computer, so atleast we've taken the first step to getting it fixed. Hopefully he'll get it up and running soon. We've been without our computer for well over a month now. I feel kind of bad because as far as I'm aware, my sister's, mom's, and aunt's blog backgrounds are all still featuring Easter...right where I left it before I was shut down. I usually switch it up for them every now and then, but haven't been able to lately. Sorry!
We haven't gotten around to getting Courtney her potty chair yet, either we forget everytime we're at the store, or darn those bills who leave us with next to nothing, so by the time we have our groceries there's nothing left to buy it with. So the potty training is at a stand still. Though she's so cute about it, she'll pat my cheeks to make sure I'm paying attention, then tells me, "Mommy, I'm pooping" and she'll pat her bum. She then proceeds to drag me up the stairs into her room where she grabs a diaper, hands it to me, then lays on the floor and waits with an expectant look on her face.
In other news, (haha, i feel like i'm writing a newspaper article) we have found the most amazing wonderful dream home and land we could ever imagine possible in the PERFECT location out in the country at the base of the mountains on an acre of fully mature land... rose bushes everywhere, fruit trees, gates, fences, outbuildings, sidewalks, it's like the secret garden. We could have the biggest garden ever that i could can and it would feed us for the rest of our lives. Though the inside needs gutted and remodeled. That's fine though because then we could make it exactly what we want. So we're in the process of trying to get this place and get our current home sold. Hopefully the this place is still available by the time we're able to make an offer. (which is VERY unlikely, but it's nice to dream about!)
With Courtney growing so darn fast and learning so much so quickly I thought I'd take advantage of it and have started doing pre-school with her each morning. We work on numbers, counting, alphabet, puzzles, painting, playdough, music, reading stories, etc. She absolutely loves it and it amazes me how much and how quicky she picks up on things! She's also coming up with the funniest sentences. The other day after it rained, she and Jeremy were outside and she said, "Daddy, I see a puddle of water!" then the edge of the patio dripped water on her and she said, "Drip Drip Drip!" .
One last funny side note, the other night at like 3 am she woke up screaming. Her problem? She wanted to wear her princess shoes. Right then. I finally gave in, put them on her, and she went right back to sleep. Silly child.
Well this is a forever long post, and i hate doing posts without pictures, so i'll end this here. Hopefully we'll have our computer fixed soon and I can post a billion pictures that have been accumulating on my camera over the past month ; )

Update

Well, computer is still dead. ...Guess that wasn't much of an update.

Dead

Well, our computer is dead. I'm on my mom's computer right now. Apparently ours got so bogged down with viruses, it just up and died. It won't even turn on. So that's why I haven't blogged in forever, or answered anyone's emails. So until we figure out how to (or save enough pennies to) fix the problem, I'll just be over here in limbo far away from the internet world. The pictures and stories are piling up, so once it does get fixed, i'll have a LOT to catch up on! ((courtney is starting potty training!)) Wish us luck on getting the problem fixed. We'll probably need it!

A Night in the E.R

So yesterday Jeremy's mom, Dawn, was in a LOT of pain. She went to the doctor's and after some poking and prodding and whatnot, she was sent to the E.R. to have her appendix removed. She had to wait for about 4 hours for the surgeon, who was at the time performing another surgery. She finally was operated on around 10 pm last night. We were there last night while she waited (Jeremy and his friend gave her a blessing) then Jeremy took Courtney and I home so I could put her to bed. But we went back this morning, and she's doing really well. Jeremy is actually over there right now so he can bring her home. I really didn't think she would agree to any pictures, so I didn't even bother to bring the camera, haha. But everything went fine, she's doing well, she'll probably be drained and sore for a while, but she's doing great. I helped Courtney make her a 'get better' card before we left yesterday. Pretty, isn't it?

gettin' fit and toned

Well, this is Week # I've Lost Count, that I've been working my hiney off, day and night. My goal is to not have to wear maternity pants with my next pregnancy. I want to be the super cute, super fit, little pregnant girl who you can't tell is pregnant from behind. NO, this isn't an announcement, I am no where near or trying to be pregnant right now, I'm just planning ahead, since toning up takes a while!
A while ago I mentioned I was going to do the Low Carb diet. That worked for about a week and a half, and I did lose a few pounds, but you know what... low carb sucks!
I have my work out friend, Emily, who has done weight watchers twice now, so she gave me all her stuff from the first time around since she had extras. So I've been doing that for a few weeks, and it's AWESOME!! it's like playing a game, what can i find that will keep me in my point range, Emily and I are always telling each other stuff we found that counts as very few or no points. Seriously, if it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't be sticking with this. But almost every morning, we get up and meet at the church, (hauling our kids in their pajamas), and we work out. i LOVE love LOVE it! I feel awesome, and I can actually run now. I've always hated running, because I was never in the shape to do it, but now i love it. i'd like to get my mile run down to 7 minutes like it was in high school. so here's shooting for that!
Anway, funny story, yesterday was pretty chilly and I wanted some nice hot soup to warm us up, so I went to the store to get ingredients. Shopping with Courtney was a nightmare, if I want her to sit in the cart, she wants down, if I want her to walk, she HAS to be held, if she wants to walk and i let her down, she RUNS everywhere. But for the most part i had to push a cart full of groceries while holding her at the same time. At one point, this random man brought me her other shoe. Who knows where/when it fell off. But we saw the oddest thing on our way back to the car. 3 parking spaces from the front doors of the store was a car, and in the front seat of this car was a guy and a girl "planting a garden" as my family calls it (quite vigorously, might i add). Right in the front seat, almost front row parking!! and not even trying to be discreet about it, the guy actually even waved at me. AWKWARD!!
Anyway, the soup turned out really good, but i'm still trying to get that image out of my head. ugh!

Well, today was the day for my interview. It took me forever to put together the perfect interview outfit, I had my resume all perfected and printed out with my reference sheet, all neat and tidy in my professional looking folder, and I had gone over my answers a million times to any question he may ask, so I wouldn't get flustered and give stupid answers. I was ready.

Meanwhile, Jeremy was out bidding a job. I was all ready to leave as soon as he got home, so when he pulled in, I grabbed all my stuff, and headed for the door. I told him to wish me good luck, because i was super nervous already, i HATE interviews, so he said 'good luck', and as I turned to go he said, "Well...now I don't know"....

Turns out he had gotten a lot of work this morning from various people, enough to keep him busy for quite a while. He told me I didn't even need to go interview if I didn't want to. I can't even tell you the relief I felt, because honestly, I was really having problems with having to leave Courtney. So I didn't interview, and I feel really good about being able to stay home with Courtney.

The site is also hiring security, so Jeremy's going to apply for that, too. I finally feel like all is well and the pieces are falling into place. Let's hope the puzzle turns out nicely!

Noodles and Updates

Alright, so these pictures don't really have much to do with anything, but I haven't posted in a while, and I didn't want to do a boring post with no pictures, so you get noodles pictures ; )

So things are our house are feeling a bit up in the air right now. Jeremy has tested with the Bonneville County to become either a patrolman or an officer in the jail. There were 250 applicants applying for only 8 positions. But he took and passed the first 2 written tests, and he flew through the physical test, so..so far so good. We're just waiting for them to call if they want him to come in for an interview. And then from there it's blood work in SLC, a lie detector test, psychological tests, etc... it would be months before he was actually hired on.

If he doesn't get hired on with the County (those are some serious odds!), then City is also testing this month. If that doesn't work out, the fire department is hiring. So... hopefully somewhere along the line someone will want to hire him!

Meanwhile, I have an amazing job offer (i still have to interview, of course, hopefully he likes me) at a credit union as a full time bank teller. I'm going in Monday. I've been having a really hard time deciding whether or not I want to take this job. I would only be able to do it for as long as Jeremy was home to watch Courtney, until he was hired on with someone. Heaven knows we could use the money right now. But I don't see myself leaving Courtney for 9 hours a day.

We're also up in the air of whether to sell the house and move, or stay. We would be staying here, local, of course, just a different house. It's quite hectic here, swimming through the unknown, trying not to sink. Wish us luck!

The Rules of a Toddler

I saw this on my friend Megan's blog today, it's funny because it's so true! We've experienced about 98% these first hand! Thanks for the laugh, Meg!

The Rules of a Toddler
If it is is on, I must turn it off. If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be removed.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a car seat, it must be protested with arched back.
If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.